Pondering Purpose

After almost 7 months at site, I have had a lot of time to reflect on my role as a Peace Corps volunteer. Without much of a mandate, starting projects has been hard and free time has been ample. As you may imagine, it can be difficult to find motivation when you have no fixed work plan and you rarely report to your superiors.

There are many days in which I find myself without a schedule. I wake up and must decide how to fill my time. On these days, I end up reading a lot, going into town for sundries, cooking an intensive meal, baking a pie, walking the countryside, talking with people in my village, working in my garden, handwashing laundry, taking care of my chickens, or playing soccer with local kids. Some of these days are supremely satisfying, especially when I make a new connection, learn something new and interesting, or at least not sit around and do literally nothing. Some of these days, however, I feel futile. What is my position here? What can these people really learn from me? Am I intergrating as well as I could be? Will my community be better off when I leave? Am I giving as much as I am getting out of this experience? These questions fill my mind on those days in which I feel purposeless. While that is a shame to ever think of oneself, Peace Corps work requires patience, persistence, and the ability to fail.

Instead of allowing these darker thoughts to permeate my person, I try to use them as a point of motivation. (What better than lack of purpose and futility as a means of motivation? Or what worse?)

On the days in which I have something scheduled, I of course feel much more purposeful and utilized. This may include english class at the school, working in the school garden with the kids (which is starting to look quite productive), or cooking class. Yup, my zuchinni, banana, and apple-carrot breads have enjoyed such wild popularity with the Ecuadorians with whom I have regular contact, I have begun a weekly cooking class. Wednesdays at 2 PM in Messi Astaya´s house, for any of my readers who may be interested.

The first week I put up flyers around town advertising a ¨Clase de Hornear con Jacobo¨. I had originally hoped to teach the village mothers how to bake these sweet breads. Their children would certainly be grateful. However, only three such mothers showed up for the first class. I instead got a nice slice of life (mothers, children, fathers, teenagers). The same group met up the following week to make pizza, and I mentioned the possiblity of turning this into a microenterprise. We would bake during the week and sell our product at the Sunday market in town. As momma always said, ¨We shall see¨.

Although I find myself pondering my real purpose here during slow times, I look around at the place in which I live and consider myself lucky. If all it takes is a few flyers around town to get a project started, there is nothing holding me back from making a real impact.